Divorce is a challenging and often emotionally painful decision for any couple, but certain patterns frequently emerge as primary contributors to marital breakdowns. While every relationship is unique, these common issues tend to build up gradually over time, eroding the foundation of the marriage. What may start as minor conflicts or unmet needs can snowball into larger, unresolved problems that increase emotional distance between partners. Over time, this accumulation of issues undermines the trust, affection, and connection that initially bonded the couple. If left unaddressed, these factors create an emotional divide that can feel impossible to bridge, ultimately leading one or both partners to view divorce as the only viable solution.

Understanding these recurring themes is crucial for couples who want to maintain a healthy relationship or those reflecting on the reasons for the dissolution of their marriage. Recognizing the signs early and addressing them proactively can make a significant difference in saving the relationship. When conflicts remain unresolved, they can destabilize the marriage, making the partnership feel fragile and unsteady, further reinforcing the belief that separation is the only option left.

Here are the most common reasons that lead to divorce:

1. Lack of Communication

Poor communication is one of the most frequently cited reasons for divorce. Studies show that 67.5% of divorces in the U.S. are attributed to couples being unable to communicate effectively (Amato & Rogers, 1997). When couples fail to express their needs, desires, or frustrations in a healthy manner, it leads to miscommunication and emotional distance. Over time, this creates feelings of loneliness, resentment, and dissatisfaction. Without open and honest communication, unresolved issues tend to pile up, pushing partners further apart.

2. Infidelity

Infidelity is another major reason for divorce, cited in about 20-40% of divorce cases in the U.S. (Allen & Atkins, 2012). Whether it’s an emotional or physical affair, infidelity often represents a deep betrayal of trust, which can be difficult, if not impossible, to recover from. Affairs usually signal unresolved issues in the marriage, such as unmet emotional or sexual needs. Even with the help of marriage therapy, rebuilding trust after infidelity requires both partners to work through the hurt and commit to healing. Unfortunately, for many couples, the damage from infidelity proves too significant, making divorce the best path forward.

3. Financial Issues

Financial stress is one of the leading causes of marital strain, with 36.1% of couples citing money problems as a primary reason for divorce (Stanley et al., 2002). Debt, job loss, or disagreements about spending habits can create ongoing tension in a marriage. Couples often fight about how to manage finances, allocate resources, or plan for the future. When financial strain is coupled with poor communication, it exacerbates existing issues in the relationship. A lack of shared financial goals can lead partners to feel incompatible or overwhelmed by their differences, eventually leading to divorce.

4. Loss of Intimacy

Intimacy, both emotional and physical, is essential to a healthy marriage. When intimacy fades, couples may begin to feel disconnected or unloved. Emotional intimacy is built through sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences, while physical intimacy involves affection, touch, and sexual connection. Without these crucial elements, partners may feel rejected or neglected, resulting in feelings of inadequacy. According to research, 15-20% of divorces are driven by a decline in sexual intimacy (Waite & Gallagher, 2000). When couples no longer prioritize each other’s emotional and physical needs, their connection weakens, often leading to divorce.

5. Growing Apart

Over time, people grow and change, and if couples don’t actively nurture their relationship during these changes, they risk growing apart. Partners may discover that they are no longer aligned in their life goals, values, or interests. For instance, one partner might focus on career advancement while the other prioritizes family life. When couples are unwilling to compromise or adapt to these evolving dynamics, they experience a deep sense of disconnection. Growing apart can be particularly challenging because the drift often happens gradually, leading couples to feel like their initial bond is weakening without clear reasons.

6. Unmet Expectations

Unmet or unrealistic expectations are another significant cause of marital breakdown. When partners enter into a marriage with differing or unspoken expectations about household roles, finances, or family life, disappointment and frustration are inevitable. According to Larson and Holman (1994), mismatched expectations about marriage are a predictor of dissatisfaction. For example, one partner may expect the other to take on most household responsibilities while also contributing financially, leading to feelings of inequity or unfairness. When these expectations are not communicated or managed, they can build resentment over time, resulting in dissatisfaction with the marriage.

7. Addiction or Substance Abuse

Addiction to drugs, alcohol, or other harmful behaviors places immense strain on a marriage. It can lead to broken promises, financial strain, emotional neglect, and even abusive behavior. Research indicates that addiction is responsible for 10-15% of divorces in the U.S. (Bacon, 2019). When addiction dominates the relationship, the addicted partner often prioritizes their substance use over the health of the relationship. This dynamic makes it extremely difficult to rebuild trust or create a stable environment. Without treatment, addiction creates an unsustainable relationship, often forcing the non-addicted partner to choose divorce as a means of self-protection.

Importance of Early Intervention

These common causes of divorce highlight the complexity of marital issues. Often, couples experience more than one of these challenges simultaneously, compounding the problems over time. However, it is important to recognize that early intervention can prevent many marriages from reaching a breaking point. Marriage counseling and couples coachingprovide tools for addressing underlying problems before they escalate. Open communication and professional support offer opportunities to rebuild trust, reconnect emotionally, and realign goals. By identifying the root causes of conflict early, couples can work together to find solutions that strengthen their marriage and avoid divorce.

If you're ready to make transformative changes in your life or relationship, I invite you to reach out for a personalized session. I offer extended sessions, typically lasting 2-3 hours, designed for individuals or couples who want to either strengthen their relationship or gain clarity on whether it’s time to part ways. These intensive sessions allow us the time and space to dive deep into your unique situation and develop actionable strategies to help you achieve the fulfilling relationship you deserve. Whether you're seeking to rebuild or explore new possibilities, this session can offer the breakthrough you need. Contact me today to start your journey toward a more fulfilling and balanced life. You can also check out my book on Amazon, Win at Love, Win at Life, which is a guided book that will help you understand how to be your best self and establish the best relationship for you.

References

Allen, E. S., & Atkins, D. C. (2012). The Association of Divorce and Relationship Distress with the Likelihood of Infidelity. Journal of Marriage and Family, 74(5), 1163–1177.

Amato, P. R., & Rogers, S. J. (1997). A Longitudinal Study of Marital Problems and Subsequent Divorce. Journal of Marriage and Family, 59(3), 612–624.

Bacon, E. (2019). The Impact of Substance Abuse on Marriage and Divorce. Psychology Today.

Larson, J. H., & Holman, T. B. (1994). Premarital Predictors of Marital Quality and Stability. Family Relations, 43(2), 228–237.

Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J., & Whitton, S. W. (2002). Communication, Conflict, and Commitment: Insights on the Foundations of Relationship Success from a National Survey. Family Process, 41(4), 659-675.

Waite, L. J., & Gallagher, M. (2000). The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially. Doubleday.